The war entered our lives and changed us forever. It has become an invisible but significant background of everything around us. This photo series is a personal story of my husband, a serviceman who returned home from the front but whose mind is still in the war. Through the camera lens, I want to transmit the emotions, experiences, and changes that the war brought to our lives.

They are not just photos. They are a visual chronicle of his thoughts, fears, dreams, and the reality he faces daily. Every picture tells how war transforms the human soul, forces us to reconsider our routine, and find new sense in life.

Why don’t you like rain?

The rain starts and you get wet down to your underwear, but you cannot change, dry your clothes, get warm. You are freezing and shaking so hard that it is impossible to fall asleep. There is little time for sleep and you must “go, go, go” again. And even when you catch a cold, it is no reason to stop performing combat tasks. After the rain, feet get stuck in mud and swamp, and it is harder to fight.

Tell about the happiest moment.

We went on a combat mission in Bilohorivka (Luhansk region, Ukraine) assuming that we would be there for less than a day and didn’t need to take much food. But we spent 4 days in a water tower. The enemy started shooting at us on our way there. We had no place to go, we were injured. One energy bar in a pocket, almost no water, under constant shelling of 120 mm mortar from Wagner group. They approached from all the sides like cockroaches: once we killed one group, others appeared. The water tower started deteriorating, my commander was killed by a slab that fell after another air raid. We knew that this building could become our grave because it got worse with every air raid, and every piece fell on us. Windows were everywhere. If you are detected through a window, you’re dead. There was one small room without windows where we had some sleep. On the first day, I slept for around 40 minutes, and the following two days were sleepless. We were hungry and cold. I thought I would die on the birthday I had those days. It would be a cruel joke. I was exhausted and felt so cold that I was shaking, Guys took off a blanket from a deceased Vitalik and covered me. My brother-in-arms made me tea. It was the best gift.

Let’s go on a picnic.

I don’t want to go out. Do you know how long I was out in the nature? As if I return to that nightmare…

What is your biggest fear?

I fear the most appearing in the open windbreak without a hiding place. The east is fields and windbreak belts are usually the only place where you can hide from the enemy. However, such open windbreaks don’t protect you and become the last stop for many soldiers.

Who did you want to be as a child?

I was born into an engineer and seamstress family, studied, attended music school, and took up swimming. I wanted to do music and become a popular musician. But I entered an arts college and graduated as a wood painter. Eventually, I became a sculptor-decorator and music was more of a hobby. I released just a couple of songs with my friend. Before the full-scale war, I had worked on a big order for the city, but unfortunately, I didn’t finish it. On 24 February 2022, Kharkiv was attacked and the depot where we worked was damaged. I wanted to serve and protect my city from Russians but at that moment, Kharkiv was full of people wanting to defend their home. There was a shortage of weapons, so only those with combat experience were enlisted. I didn’t have that experience, so I moved to a safer city with my wife — Chernivtsi. I went to the military registration office there the following day. After all, I joined the military and, of course, this is not how I imagined our years of life. I have no opportunity to be a creator now…

What do you think about when you look at the river?

We arrived in Sviatohirsk (Donetsk region, Ukraine) and heavy rain started. We needed to move our things like field rations and personal stuff from the command-observation post to the other bank of the river. Wet and cold again, without any sleep, we had to walk through the river where, as it turned out, dead bodies were floating. We came out on the bank of the river and the shelling started. We found shelter in a restaurant by the river.

What do you feel?

Despair. On the one side, there are the Armed Forces of Ukraine and the danger of going to the front, always hungry, and tired, everything’s mixed and unclear. On the other side, there are civilians who consider the servicemen either heroes, when they go on the counteroffensive, or enemies when civilians are subject to mobilization.

Have you ever felt peace in the war?

We were about to go to the positions in Novoselivka (Donetsk region, Ukraine) and I looked around: the sun was shining and butterflies were flying. “Nature lives, everything is fine,” I thought and heard sounds of mine explosions, and artillery in the background. “Everything is alright around, except for people killing each other.”